Timber Guidelines
Quality:
Presidential Timber - Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
Vice-President Timber - Must take running start to leap over tall buildings.
Timber - Can leap only over short buildings or medium buildings with no spires.
Deadwood - Crashes into building when attempting to jump over them.
Toothpick - Cannot recognize buildings at all, much less jump.
Initiative:
Presidential Timber - Is stronger than a locomotive.
Vice-President Timber - Is stronger than a bull elephant.
Timber - Is stronger than a bull.
Deadwood - Shoots the bull.
Toothpick - Smells like a bull.
Use of Time:
Presidential Timber - Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Vice-President Timber - Is as fast as a speeding bullet.
Timber - Not quite so fast as a speeding bullet.
Deadwood - Would you believe a slow bullet.
Toothpick - Wounds self with bullets attempting to shoot gun.
Communication:
Presidential Timber - Talks with God.
Vice-President Timber - Talks with angels.
Timber - Talks to himself.
Deadwood - Argues with himself.
Toothpick - Loses those arguments.